UnWinding One Self.....

As I read so would I quote... 

EGO:

Your ego is the part of you that protects your heart.
Ones mind begeins to build a wall around your heart.

At first, we only use the ego-wall to keep people out.
But eventually, as we grow up, we get tired of hiding fearfully and we decide the best defense is a good offense.
We put cannons on our ego-wall and we start firing.
For some looks like anger.For others it looks like judgment and divisiveness.
Thou easy and favourite would be to pretend everyone on the outside of my wall is wrong.
It makes One to feel right and righteous, but really it just keeps one safe inside of his ideas.

The Confrontation:

Half of One's Ego stops One from doing it....Other half tells to confront it ......

Half fears One wud be wasting my emotions again....once again  running behind for the same old mistake ...regretting it all the way...
Half says dont build in it ...let it out a bit ..take ya chance..embrace it...

Only thing that could make it worse for One would be ... The Other One reading it and getting some kick out of it...
Fear that , wud be let down again on emotions and feelings and Other One might be happy or njoi it ....

To come across One....looks like the Weak guy ...xplainin..,pinging down ..spells aloud like " Man get a life ...get over it " ...this feeling crushes One more ...

One rather be the guy with the "Dont care" Attitude...
One who pushed the Other One away for better as if "yeah like I care" dont bother me..

It Does satisfy some part of the One being the Strong ...

But Doesn't satisfy the part on loosing on people...that too at what cost ...One thinks

One don't know what the Other One has got into with time....changed ...happily over One..or else....

This being unsure does adds up more and lead to Not Confronting to Other One...

One feels bad ...dunno ...One is not able to reason with it ..not liking it that One is confronting and being the Weaker One here...as One thinks

Hoping that Other One comes with some similar feeling ...similar missing ...similar anger of not confronting
And all just eases Ones fear.

The Fearing :

One fear the reply...so If its cold and unbothered or just for the sake ...One say dont make one ..

One still have his doubts on writing it and believe One ...One doesnt want too...

Just Dont Njoi .... read and delete ..One wud not like Other One to see or know that yeah this One went weak for a while....

One write with the last faith ...One mite not have any in future.

Now That The LOVE Is GONE...

Now That The Love Is Gone ...........

Watching a Romentic
There u are mesmerized by a gorgeous lady's ...some by a dudes...
but then slowly it shifts from the glare...

U see feelings ...connect to the love...to the core...
Its not the looks or the faces , hairs or the smile...or the curves...that catches u..
U are looking at the screen...n out of the sudden u experience goose bumps...
Feel shivers..n Numb eyes....

And there U r... happy..estatic...nathing goes in ur mind...U just feel the love....Wish to feel it for real...

Have been off these muvies for sum tym...cuz it tends to takes u ryt bck ..to the very love u thot of...
Hope the love one wanted to experience while hugging her...
Hope to see her sleep off peacefully...To see her in utter mess n finding hard to deal with...U look at her n just smile...She wanting u to help her by....
To kiss her forehead ...
Just put ur head in her lap n look above to see her smiling....
To have in ur arms and feel secure from everythng....

Yup I Was indeed a muvie guy...and as its said...

"Hi m PrabalPratap...Hoplessly romantic..."

That being my Proud line of Introduction !!!

Those muvie moments do get hold of ya..drag u back to all you thot of shutting ur mind on...

Theres the Notting hill....
Julia roberts in the park with She says nothing at all playing in the park...
Julia Roberts smiling at the your face in the end with "She" playing at the back....

...You Got Mail...
Tom hanks bringing up lillies for Meg ryan who is at her worst
...Kate N Leopold...
Hugh Jackman having a rooftop dinner and a dance with Meg Ryan .
...The serendipity....
Kate Bekinsale at the cold skatting ground...
...Way Back Into Love...  
Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant singing through Way back into love...
...The Girl Next Door... 
Elisha curthbert kissing on "This Years love had better last "....

And Many a more....I have wetted my eyelids for them..happily !!

Wonderland:
I wished to live all these...All of these ....
U just close ur eyes and nxt thing u knw...Its Heaven...Satisfied...Calm...N U r Smiling...with tears of Joy!!

The Smile on ya face...the truth in ur eyes...D touch of ya hand lets me knw tat U need me....

 Man O Man..!!!!

Reality Check:
Now tat the Love was gone..I took a brk...A pause in tym...made peace with it...
Peace with myself...Avoid,Ignore,Rub off...but there wud b tyms...there wud b songs...there wud b muvies...
There wud b moments..
U just need to cry thru them.....rub off ur numbness...wash ya face...n say it..." This Too Shall Pass" ....

Everyone has their own heartaches...some choose to move over...some left it go...some hold on..
I choose to Nurse it ...Atleast for this lyftime...take it to d End with Me...

I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead

Hoping ...I would be smiling and feelin that warmth ...
If I had it ...
I would  lived it ..d very same way I look at it...

Take out on a dinner ..Tulips ,Roses and candles with voilin playing ...
N Sing it loud with everyone...

"You knw I Cant Smile without You...
Cant laugh...Cant sing...
Finding it Hard to do anythng...
Who would believe you were part of a dream..
Now It seems like Light years Away !! "

Tat indeed the love gone ....and I wud miss it thru out a lifetym...
Conclude:

So whose to worry...
If our hearts get torn...
When that hurt gets thrown..
Don't you know this life goes on
I hope This Life's Love Better ...Last....  :)

My Wall of Faces...2

Continued....

If “Meg Ryan” was the mother of Cuteness…here came the Daughter “Elisha Cuthbert”…she had a smile of a baby ….d smile u wana see all across ur life..some may put her as hot…sexy ….but I would disagree….she was gorgeous blended with cuteness… I landed up on “The Girl Next Door” ….the scene when matt kisses her in the party . .with “David gray :This yeas love” track playing….pure feelings…

Now if we get back to my desi likings….it happened on DoorDarshan !! …I guess that was 15^th Aug of some year during my school days….I glanced on that face…There she was in a balcony and her face glowed like an angel …simple n beautiful…"Manisha koirala” …1942 love story …when anil kapoor goes to meet her at nite n she shows up in her balcony…though this crush was short lived ..But worth lived..!!!

..Well there been lots of anonymous ones..whom u guys wont be knowing abt…so I better keep the names to myself … :P

And there were face’s of those someone’s….the way she laughed …her head going up and down….her hairs falling here and there….that serious look of her.….that grin of hers….the devilish laugh n smile…when she triumphs on her prank….the look of hers when she was all nervous ....trying not to show that…!!

Lots of faces are right there….N would be till the end…

be it the messed up hair duo look of “Shania Twain” of “Any Man Of Mine”…

or be it our very own “Kareeb” girl.. the plain n simple Salwar beauty

be it “Kate Beckinsale” of Underworld or the petite look of “Pearl harbor"..

be it “Nauheed Cryus” from “Anwar maula mere”...

how many should I quote..!! Let’s see how many do add up…!! Till then ….they are beauty ....ageless faces that would travel across all time lines…with me…

Thanx to ya all to make me smile thinking abt ya !!

“She may be the face I can’t forget….

The trace of pleasure or regret…

May be my treasure or the price I have to pay

She may be the love that cannot hope to last…

May come to me from shadows of the past…

But I’ll remember till the day I die…

She may be the reason I survive….

The why and wherefore I’m alive…

She….

She….”

My Wall of Faces...

Faces of Timeless Beauty……

In your life time one comes across lots of faces …billions of them…some strike out ….some u tend to remember for life….some come to ur dreams…some u think of and that brings a cute smile on ya face… well here I m….though its not my lifetime yet…but yeah some I can list down too...

Lemme give u insight of how I landed up with this….Thought of writing for a very long time….just couldn’t settle down with any specific thing to pen down…then I realized.. ..I have fallen for many faces in my life…u think of them n then u find peace… yeah I did too smiled…so here we kick off…

Was never a movie guy before…till 12^th I had hardly watched any movies…so it mite occur that this could had happened to u a lot before than it did to me… I had a chance to glance over a portrait ….it was a black n white one …N there she was…total awesomeness...u cud look at her….her cute innocent smile...just kept staring…and I know.. I had fallen....that face left such imprints on mah brain....all I cud think of…was to lay down n keep looking at her…

We move a bit ahead of that …after mah 12^th ….i made acquaintance with one more angel…one more face that would go with me ..back to my grave.. and this was deadliest blow I suffered…a lone self me…my pc..n a late nite movie…..n that movie was played 20 times d very next day…god know how many a times after that…I fear to write abt her…dunno wud I do justice to her or not…her smile as they put “Best of the ones 32 made” … the loud laugh of “Vivien” in “Pretty Women” when she lay eyes on the necklace…. The look of her in “When u say nothing at all” …those auburn hairs …man u feel like.. u close ur eyes n u r in heaven…d last “I'm just a girl” proposal …timeless smile and timeless laugh…that still echoes in my ears to this date…My First Love and would be My Last “Julia Roberts” …..

As we surpass that phase….came along the definition of “Cuteness” …be it all looks ….be it chopped hairs…be it long locks…..be it all messed up …Cuteness was the only thing which came screaming out of the frame…Her manly walk….d way she recites …d way she moves her head in both sides and do the nose thing …be it “Harry met Sally” …be it “kate & Leopold” be it “You got Mail” “Meg Ryan” was n would be “Cute” as Always …

Well seems to going long n tiresome...

To be Continued...

My First Time !! :P

It was a New place ….never visited...often new things tend to make u not so confident abt it so was I….anyways I tired to find my way In…time was running n I was running slow on it…I hurried n there were those Doors…I approached it with slow steps…not knowing how its gonna be in thr...I entered N it was pitch dark...Was looking for somthng that I cud recognize but cudnt find any…Mein thoda aur aage bhada...There I got a Hand directing me towards the end…N I took steps towards where I was pointed..To be honest was a bit shaky...Cuz it was all dark n I cudnt figure out n yeah having that feelin that there are some eyes..may be many eyes ..staring at U …make it even more shaky…N if Ur someone who is bit public conscious..then u may get an idea how it wud have been...N to add up to all of that..It was something I was doing for the Very First time…n wat if U r among the last ones to enter it...That there are many who r already in there ..settled comfortably...watching u getting all uncomfortable...Well at times U think that they mite be watching U ….U knw that mite not be true or IS not true but still that thought does lies in U….N thats wat adds to the nervousness…anyways I carried on to the end ..tring to visualize things under shimmering light that was coming from far away…but cudnt manage...n in a desperate attempt to not be fool among them all..i just clutched on the most near by wat I got...now after settling in…the first thing was to look around ur surroundings…get familiar with it…being unsure that whom it belonged…N being sure that it didn’t belonged to U for sure !!.. still being nervous about it but to act Kool...Believe me the last thing u wud ask at that point was to attract all the Attention...

Yeah so I dig in …thanks for the darkness...me being unsure abt it wasn’t visible to all…

After a couple of minutes got myself cooled down..finally mah eyes met for wat I was there...But as the time was passing by ..which made me realize that the thing I wastnt sure about belonging to me...surly didn’t belonged to anyone else..and so I was nearing to my comfort zone…

but somethings gonna happen for sure…if not wats the Twist in it… A voice happen to cross my ears...made me realize it was much near to me...which happen to be of a female...I slowly turned to the voice…N there was a female next to me…Oh man...at that point I was on a Brain Rush...many a things crossed my mind n I was trying to catch up on one of them…well wat if she knew that wat I wasn’t being sure of being mine..was hers..No it wudnt be Or I wudnt be still sticking to it...Or she knew that yeah It wasn’t mine..of course she would have realized that..as she was just NEXT to Me..!!! N then the most worst of them …Wat if she thought I did sticked to it on purpose …As she being rite next to it…But Yeah I was kool ..I mean trying to be…then it was like..Wat do I care…Do I knw her…Does she …Naah..then why do I give a Damm on wat comes to her mind…Well I started to concentrate on wat I was suppose to...N yeah I was Njoing that !!

Then came the halt...the darkness faded..lights were up…I cud finally figure out where I was sticking to..N but of course the Next to Me being !!

I hate to be left Alone….N here I wasn’t left…I was Alone...that makes it worse...So I just took out my cell N moved out ...get some air ..escaping from the whole not so alone crowd…!! I made a call ..made few fake calls :P !! Just trying to buy some time..being Not Alone !! Generally when Ur with a company..the halts r short ..But this one seemed to be Looong...may be the time get divided or distributed among company..well as I had none so it was all on Me to bare !!

It ended…I was back sticking to the same....but one thing was for sure it really didn’t mattered as there was scarcity of people in thr…N it was fine to stick to wateva U find Free….afterall “Wat Do I Care” feeling was alive In Me ..!!

The rest of the period was peacefull …Me sipping my Large Pepsi ..tring to make it last more longer..if cud make it more Large..aah it emptied …chalo got a taste of company for while..be it with a fountain of pepsi....Well I hate to say it n admit it…for Me Company word matters a lot....I hate doing things Alone...infact I don’t do it…sometimes to n extent I wont prefer to eat alone even If M hungry !! Yeah Yeah I knw …that’s Stupid but ….Yeah that’s ME !!

Well It was fine …Deepika padukone was nice to catch on for a change…n Giselli was ooommmhh....too cute !! ...at times my feet started moving n shoulders shaking in the Seat ..which of course made Next to ME…shift a bit !! Just wished koi aur hota toh shake along with !!

But Yeah somethings are to be done for the very First Time in Life ..Love Aaj Kal was my very First Movie ALONE in the Theater...Didnt Njoined to full extent but yeah wud try to aage se ..if I make a plan to make a venture Alone …this experience wud surly help !! :P

PS: I loved the line..... Tu ekdum sahi baat bol deti hai jaanemann..!!
(Lets see if I can try that on to someone .. !! :P !!)

Why..??

Well just some small bits i like put it down from now and then...!


Why do I feel like I am always all alone...
Why seems I am homeless,even when I am home..???

Why cant I try and yet not give a smile...
Why doesn't the world seem any worthwhile..???

Why do I always needed...people around ....
Happiness was never soo hard to be found ….

I don’t know what stops me from getting there...
Why it is the dullness… that I fear….???

Why do my days feel like a part of an incomplete trip...
Why does life now resemble a sinking ship...???!!!

At Nights I was left to succumb
Why did they always made me,so uncomfortably numb…

All I wanted was some …happiness to borrow….
Why am I always left as a….Man of constant sorrow...???

Why does it all happens to Me …
I just wonder Why He made me ..soo Lucky…???!!!




As in this was my very first successful attempt in putting down such a piece of writing..
Tried many a times..but all went in vain..!! I am totally aware that it does sounds too childish..but just take me as a Novice who's just tring to fit in !!

do line aur kahuga ..-

I just tried to pen down some of my thoughts here...
Please forgive me ...for all the pains U had to bear ..!! [:P]

Beast UnLeashed...

CAUTION: This blog rite here is negative..sarcastic…present some extreme views..So the choice is urs to go through the pains …!!!

Well 4 Years are gone by..On a happy note bachelors gonna end…I m gonna be Engg…and on the other hand….Colg life ends.. “Colg Life” this word holds a special place in everyones life period…It’s compose of the most cherisable moments of ur life..they say the best things happened to you ..but I m not so sure abt that…pardon me if my words represent me as a negative person …or gives u the idea of me being pessimistic…I dun blame myself for that ..may b wat I went thru if u wud have..u mite have ended with the same story ..or Not !!

I don’t know but yeah I missed a LOT in my colg life..I cant say that this Is wat I wanted out of it …Nope I cant ..there wasn’t any such thing happening to me wat I expected out to happen ..May be that’s wat my problem is ..I “EXPECT” …but that isn’t a bad thng after all …Y shudnt I...when u do things U should expect ..!! If u don’t Expect then how come can u do things...well “Expect” is a very liquid phenomenon ...well it can be Expect from Urself…or Expect from Others !! … Well we will settle down on the latter purpose of Expectation

Two basic things that I came across …in every field I tried to enter..In every single things I tired to do ….Two things were common and unfortunalty they were always thr..

Firstly spending time here with People made me realize ..well reliazed a whole lot of things but for now will stick to one … “Woman” was a very dominant factor in Ones Life ...U actually see the wat drastic changes a Woman can get into stuff ..yeah I was quite surprised..how the term “Woman” can move things around them ..but who is to blame for giving them that power….We ..!! Rite thru the beginning all I tired ..all I saw …was that the whole world around here revolving around them..No matter wat u do ..U will always find them ...starting off with one …

We …by “We” I meant me n my roommates...were hoping to take part in a Radio Show...

Were suppose to take part...we discussed …thot on that...evened practiced a bit on it…but later on due to certain lack of intrest the plan was not so successful…a day before I was waiting for practice..n others were busy boozing themselves End of story.On the very day of radio show...wat do I get to see…my partners...who were busying boozing themselves a day ago …were sitting on the stage with a Woman and taking part in the Radio show...!!Getting into a vacant place which was offered to me too...but as I had a hypothetical grp of mine…I denied..now that Woman made it happen…made them bunk classes..made them practice on the leisure time..and made me a Fool out of it…

I dun blame that Woman ..Y shud I ….

Since then n now..every move guys made..were planned..organised keeping “Women” under consideration...many incidents came by but I prefer not pointing them out as I wasn’t directly involved but went thru it...and also taking agony n standing apart from the crowd that too at the end …wudnt be preferable..!! diplomatic terms after all !! But the surprising part was..here ppl njoied with them and then called the filthy whores behind their back...the ones they laugh and hang ard…they come back n boost themselfs in public by vulgar n cheap comments abt them..How can u spend 2-3Hrs with them n then making a statement to people that We made it happen..n boosting off in public..as of they were materialistic charm for u...u njoied ..u bitched and Ur great!!....What I saw back from where I was …yeah Woman is afterall opposite sex so who wont be interested in them…thats natural…but it wasn’t them always ...And more importantly “ Women” wasn’t All ..it wasn’t everything !! ..there was a whole lot more to them…

Here you have some lazy asses who wudnt move a bit ..but just utter the word …"SHE” is also coming !! then u see…their asses moves like they were running for fuckin Olympics !! ..somehow I find this hard to get down my throat ..

After going through all of these small small things ..I do say....infact must say ...

It’s a Woman’s World !!!..And we Man made it …..!!

PS: After going thru ..U mite have some sarcastic remarks for me..mite b thinking If m pretending to be a Saint or somthng…but Its true...I am not the above…I don’t say I m a saint but yeah ..I not like that...may be my views wudnt make u happy..but they are my views and this is My blog...N I am Unleashing the Beast Within….!!